you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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