I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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