I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
