Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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