your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize