I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
