I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
