Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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