She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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