im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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