you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
