Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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