Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
even my farts smell like vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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