woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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