Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
