my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
