i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
