Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize