I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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