i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
