speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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