Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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