I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
