You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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