There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
