That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
