I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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