Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
