What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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