and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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