you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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