I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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