shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't