i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing