All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier