he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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