Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize