Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed

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  (937): fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed http://tfl.nu/6ylq
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?

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  (215): how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon? http://tfl.nu/98up
  Replies (20) Good night (6577) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.

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  (231): I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/w091
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ

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  (405): I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ http://tfl.nu/wml8
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  (310): View more from California

  so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.

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  (310): so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood. http://tfl.nu/y4bu
  Replies (7) Good night (3720) Bad night (835)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.

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  (940): I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too. http://tfl.nu/vi8f
  Replies (41) Good night (1299) Bad night (7816) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.

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  (212): I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker. http://tfl.nu/yz4c
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome

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  (832): Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/hrea
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...

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  (303): accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones... http://tfl.nu/822e
  Replies (4) Good night (2304) Bad night (402)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test

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  (910): I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test http://tfl.nu/ucs5
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

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  (785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

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  (407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.

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  (717): I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets. http://tfl.nu/qvke
  Replies (9) Good night (1629) Bad night (298)
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  (916): View more from California

  Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.

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  (916): Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER. (1-916): Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt. http://tfl.nu/8glr
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (336)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.

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  (407): Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it. http://tfl.nu/49t8
  Replies (0) Good night (581) Bad night (159)

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