he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.