I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!