I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude