I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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