elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
