Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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