I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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