I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
