Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
