I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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