What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize