his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize