Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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