HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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