So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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