If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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