I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
