I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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